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BLOG.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
terrible headache now /: went to cut hair today and i think it looks abit weird now.. & it reminds me of _ ! :(
Oh, i like ppl to tag me (: tag replies:
yin; haha okay! know you love sch now la. drop me a testi stil (:
xiang; you can finally tag! :D if cannot, you can leave a comment at my Lj though i dont blog there.
Shy one; I know. but it really seem so not possible to jus put things behind ): anyway you can talk to me too if you want (:
GP; I know la haha, i told you before i like that line too! though i wish so very much that its not true. you take care too (:
I never used to rmb my dreams. But since some time back, someone lamely said she had "trained" me to rmb them. Had a funny dream a few nights ago which involved me and na..
na: are you les? me: HUH, why you ask this!? na: ehh cos i think you and ... ... *smiles* me: erps. i like cute guys de okay! though i think ive kjz that you n yin USED TO have. haha! na: well, but you may be bi what! *giggles* me: tsk. (the dream ended off jus like that :\ ) it set me thinking.
All i want is our usual random converstaions and such msges like this agn. & the love which you used to give me, is it too much of me to ask for? Stil loving you if u care. 21/9 *.*AHH DEAREST <3>always say the sweetest things.. c la i wanna cry le! u matter alot! if u din appear, my life wld still suck, w/o you i cant breathe any longer =( 2/10 *.* aww dearest!! <3>sumtimes i oso wonder how drasticalli my life wil change wif u in sch no more =( u may not'v chosen ds.. but dearest's part of my life^^ 6/10 DEAREST!!<3>oh gosh.. u nv fail to make me smile to my hp can?! *.* ur the onli person who makes me smile frm the bottom of my heart =D LUV U ALOTALOT! 7/10 dunno wad to say to dearest anymore.. even words have lost out to my luv for u!!^^ i'll give u all the hugs in this world if it makes u happy =D
i know the 'She happy I happy" theory never work. cos i tried before, and in the end, all i felt was jealousy and disappointment. seeing someone you care for being happy and all yet you're hurting inside, doesnt feel a tiny bit good at all. Or maybe, jus maybe, its only me.. im too selfish? i dont know. if thats the case, then i want to be the villian here.. heck care abt your own feelings and jus bear with me (though i know something's thats one sided is worth nothing) ! i dont know whats right alrd, you know very well how much you mean to me yet you choose to ignore everything. this had been draggin on for so long yet im still holding on, i feel silly.. and damnit helpless cos im not like you, na de qi, fang de xia. I gave you my promises but it seems that i dont have your trust. Why why why, a question i often ask myself now.
Will there ever be a Us again? does Happily Ever After exist? people say Forever is just a lie, prove me wrong pls.
sudd thought of something that jo and my sis often suan me, which is wei jian still havent release his first album yet! /: but its okay! I will wait.i wont give up on someone i like that easily. im not san fen zhong re du kind, i yearn for 'always'.
是你在那个雨季 走进我生命
带着一点任性和温柔的表情
是你在那个雨季 赶走乐孤寂
温暖的笑容换我仅有的坚定 天上一万颗星星 我却只看见你
要说这是幸运还是不可思议 身边有太多风景 我却停在这里
说我傻得可以 还不是因为你 \sang by xiao gui and (i think) zhuo wen xuan! think this song's really nice and sweet^^
darkness.
11:19 pm ;
Saturday, February 24, 2007
today's unit day. pretty okay, played ball mostly (: joined in the game btwn sec1 & sec4s and i scored one for sec1s! HAHA okay big deal -.- qte nice catchin up with squadmates, we're gna meet next sat agn! :D
jo, becca, xiang: hey sorry, i was kinda awitched off to the dont-feel-like talking mode /: dont worry abt me, i will be alright, at least i hope i wld. <3>
i was so fkin upset that i cried on the bus ):
i felt terrible today. it seems like everything's back to square one agn.. why is this so? i reali dont understand. I gave you my promises but you dont trust me do you? can i repeat agn, i dont make empty promises. believe me pls? am i stubborn or what. Still, love you.
on a random note, the two bags i bought yest are bought cos sch's starting soon! yes SCHOOL. i dread this word after slacking at home for months. i dont want to be a 17yearold, so old! i seriously miss stnicks. & i sudd realise i miss smsin durin lessons alot /: heh still rmb my classmates were surprised im actually not guai lyk i looked -blinks- HAHA! ok whatever. thinking of those times jus make me more emo than ever.
hahaha, i jus created a Lj acc for fun.
darkness.
11:47 pm ;
Friday, February 23, 2007
jus came home from shopping from jurong point and causeway point. bought 2 bags and deodorant! didnt got my wallet yet though ): going out for dinner soon.
bus ride home jus now and the drizzle made me think. & partly cos Woodlands int made me thought of someone.
Unit day tmr!
i will be alright tmr, praying hard.
darkness.
7:12 pm ;
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Hey, please tell me I do mean something to you.
i dont know what is the situation now. im scared.
i hope you cheer up too. thank you, i'll stay strong, no worries (:
darkness.
10:37 pm ;
Friday, February 16, 2007
went partyworld at bishan today with chris, yin, viv, mao, yz, wei and ru. we got quite HIGH la! took off shoes and and started jumping on the sofa XDD everyone either sang (screamed) tgt or 2 or 3 of us at one time! haha the i only had one SOLO, singing half of jay's lang man shou ji :D (ps, WE SHALL GO KBOX NEXT TIME)
wth i dont know whats wrong with me agn. terrible moodswings these days. can be laughing lyk siao one moment, damn quiet and down the next. im fucking upset, bothered, scared and worried. but do you know?
darkness.
11:47 pm ;
Thursday, February 15, 2007
yest was Valentine's Day. such a disappointing and boring day besides _ (thankyou!) , sighs, shant elaborate.
i seriously miss Vday in stnicks alot ):
(Pls dont attempt to read unless you think it's for you.) It never used to be like this. all's not the same stil, or am i expecting way too much? i dont know. i know this kinda feelings should be anticipated when its decided.. and reali, dont get me wrong, i wont back out but just, im scared dearest.. i cant afford to lose again. i do still love you okay, but do you? i hope so. I dont want us to be a wound that will never heal, please? <3
darkness.
9:50 pm ;
Friday, February 09, 2007
IM SO DAMNIT UPSET AND DISAPPOINTED ): i had hoped to get much better grades! i reali could have done better i guess? but now there's nth i can do alrd isnt it, but to get over it and move on. (abit i was sooo freaked out just now that i started cryin even before receivin my results! hands were trembling lyk siao that my fren had to help me tear open the letter!)
vday's coming. but there's no more sweet gifts exchanges like what there is in stnicks ): & ive no date! someone can ask me out! Hahaha.
my eyes are tired. tired from crying, or lack of sleep? both i guess.
ey sorry, im feeling guilty about _! ):
& thank you. wo fa xian zi ji zai yi du de yi lai zhe ni. <3
darkness.
10:15 pm ;
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
hey i really dont know why are you guys feeling so unhappy.. everything was jus plain coincidence and we too dont feel good that the situation is like that now. so, i reali hope things wld be back to normal soon.
& omg, Os results out this friday! so damn scary /:
& You, IPIWNFY <3
darkness.
10:10 pm ;
Monday, February 05, 2007
（不知怎么的就突然想在这里用华语表达我自己）
这些日子以来我一直在等也许已不再属于我的事物。想想让自己难过了这么一段时间，那又是何苦呢？可是不管我多么尽力的把你往脑后塞，你总仍然浮现出来。是我意志不够坚定吗？还是我根本无法做到？我真的不晓得但我选择相信后者。
很多时候，一些我不想听到的回应让我仅存的希望像泡泡一样破灭，并且让我的心情一次又一次的跌入谷底。还记得我跟 Green 说过“紧要关头不放弃，绝望就会变成希望”而我们俩也尝试去相信这具话但她认为对她来说帮不上什么忙。至于我，它似乎派不上用场因为我根本都不知道几时才算是紧要关头，也许它早已与我擦肩而过？
尽管我口口声声说，不管你最终做出什么决定、我们是否真真正正的合解，我都会尊重你的选择；其实我知道自己就没有那么伟大、接受不了残酷的事实。勉强，是不会开心的；但也得给彼此机会尝试才知道那到底是不是勉强啊？算了，我是在胡言乱语吗？
昨晚，除了谈话内容不同外，我们仿佛又回到了从前。十分怀念，情绪带有莫明的感伤。但不知为什么也觉得有点欣慰。面对对方真的有这么难吗？也许吧。还有挽救的余地吗？希望吧。
人活着到底是为了什么？
woah cant believe i typed this much of chinese using comp.. thank you if you guys read the whole thing -.- but well, it still feels nicer expressing myself in the lang im comfortable with (: gahh sorry if i sound weird in the post cos i may sound abit exaggerated plus i cant think much with only 3plus hrs of slp! got awoken early in the morn by my mum.. askin me to help my sis email smth!? cant believe im sucha nice sister haha!
darkness.
2:40 pm ;
Saturday, February 03, 2007
went shopping the whole afternoon with my mum n sis. walked until my foot got blister ): dunno why these days i dont reali like to walk arnd.. asin somehow i will start to feel veri vexed when there's ALOT of ppl.. gosh think i kp gao zi bi-ing nowadays! /:
everytime im alone, i think of nothing but you. but do you know.
anyway jus realised, everytime when my friends asked if im okay, i alws reply "huh nothing lor", "i dont know", "what do you think" and "si bu liao la". (maybe, jus maybe, i wont say i cant live without you but, i dont want.)
smth damn qiao happened last night agn. i was humming this song then right aft i finished, the radio played it. zhe yi ci ci de qiao he dai biao zhe shen me ne,
Os results would be released next week i guess. im getting abit nervous, got a bad feeling that i screwed up. but there's nothing that can be done alrd, except to pray hard n accept fate..
is it naive of me to wish that you would be there for me on that day?
darkness.
11:54 pm ;
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Happy belated birthday GP! :D
having muscle aches all over jus cos of a basketball game yest! its been long since i exercised. all my muscles becoming fats alrd la /: (eh lets go back stnicks soon to run and play ball okay?) & Some ppl said ive become thinner! really? (im happy yet upset to know that you actually cared) oh well i dont know why too. perhaps i starve rather than stuff myself when im not in a pretty mood.
It's amusing how someone can affect your mood and appetite so drastically.
I HATE MYSELF! cos i think i suck! ): so much so that you've to hide from me whenever you see me! it hurts to feel that my presence actually annoy you that much? izzit that difficult to face me? i still hope to talk.. perhaps you're fine getting on with your life but i cant even understand why is this happening!
i embarrassed myself by tearing on the train home yest! so diu lian ): & i slept at an embarrassing time of nine thirty /: woke up in the middle of the night crying. (wanted to sms you but didnt) i dunno wth's wrong with me la! why am i making things so difficult for myself? or are you making things difficult for us? i dont know.
last night somehow i was singing to myself and sudd realise that the radio started playing the same song too! is that xie men or a beautiful coincidence,
